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Post by padfootsbabe on Feb 25, 2005 3:22:11 GMT -5
This story is rated PG-13, because it has some swearing and some gory details. But all in all, it is more of a sad story. I also say that this song is Good Charlottes and I take no credit for it.
Lost and broken Hopeless and lonely Smiling on the outside And hurt beneath my skin. . .
The girl stood in front of her mirror, lost in thought. ‘I wonder whether anyone suspects. . . Do they realize what’s in this mind, what’s in my heart?’ Her sea green eyes darkened with pain and she covered her face with her hands. Looking up, she saw the red, raw wounds marring her pale wrists. Choking back a sob, she grabbed a long-sleeved coat and put it on, covering up the cuts. “Shenavyre! The bus is coming down the street, hurry up!” Her mother’s voice brought her back to reality with a jolt, “Coming, mum!” She grabbed her backpack and bolted down the stairs and out the door. She reached the curb just as her bus pulled up. “Hey Shen!” A familiar voice called out. ‘Smile…Look normal…Act like you’re a normal human being,’ she thought, and hopped on the bus, grinning. “Hiya Joel! What ya doing?” She asked falsely cheerful, as she sought him out and sat next to him. He grinned, his dark brown eyes twinkling with suppressed laughter. “Not much, just sittin on the bus, y’know…The usual.” Shenavyre poked her tongue out, “Oh haha, Joel, you’re so funny. Not.” The bus set its wheels in motion and began the two minute drive to their school, Waldorf High School. He looked over at his friend, and saw a shadow in her normally bright eyes, “Hey, what’s wrong, Shen? You seem depressed.”<br> My eyes are fading My soul is bleeding I’ll try and make it seem okay But my faith is wearing thin. . .
Shenavyre inclined her head slightly, a twisted smile appearing on her face, “If you only knew,” she murmured, glancing at him. Joel frowned, and whispered into her ear, “What is it you’re not telling me, Shenavyre?” Turning away from him, she muttered, “Nothing . . It’s just . . .” She struggled with the thought of telling him then decided against it with a heavy sigh. “Nothing, it’s nothing. Just me getting depressed.” As Joel opened his mouth to comment, the bus lurched to a halt, and the students inside it rushed out, grateful to be off it. Joel and Shen were the last two to get off the bus, and with a grin at each other, Shen laughed, “Good old school, how I missed thee!” Joel’s eyebrow rose skeptically, “How I missed thee? What the hell?” Shen laughed again and linked arms with her best friend, “Don’t worry, I’m just insane.” The bell rang and the students of Waldorf rushed inside to their roll call rooms. Joel and Shenavyre split up, each walking off to their rooms, “See you in English!” He called, waving at her over the crowd. She waved back halfheartedly and muttered, “Oh the joys.” Walking to her roll room, she passed the senior girls bathrooms and resisted the temptation to go in there and add a few more marks to her wrists. “Shenavyre, hey Shenavyre!” A voice called out from behind her, amongst the crowd. “Great, who’s coming to annoy me now.” Her friend Benji came running up, piercings and all. Shen was a little shocked, “Oh! Hey Benji! I didn’t think you were here today, I mean, you weren’t next to Joel on the bus this morning.” He laughed and shook his head, making Shenavyre notice that it was . . . well . . . normal! “No, no, no. Why catch the bus when I can drive to school?” His eyes glinted mischievously, and she got the hint immediately. “You got a car!! That’s so cool, that means you can give me a lift to school!” Squealing, she hugged him, just as their roll call teacher came out of their room. Mrs. Charlotte. “Ahem. When you two are done?” With that, she walked back into their classroom, and the two laughing students followed.
*
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Post by padfootsbabe on Feb 25, 2005 3:24:07 GMT -5
(But) I’m open and I’m bleeding All over your brand new rug And I need someone to help me Sew them up. . .
At the end of PE, Shenavyre, walked into the change rooms, and took of her long sleeved sport shirt, to put on her normal clothes. Two of the popular girls in her class, Glynna and Ember, walked in just in time to see the cuts up and down her arms. She gasped, horrified at what they might have seen and hurriedly pulled her shirt and coat on. The two girls looked at each other meaningfully and began to whisper in hushed tones. Rifling through her backpack, she found her trusty, sharp knife. The two popular girls left the change rooms, still whispering, and looking over at her. Sitting down, the blade glided over her wrist, reopening old wounds and hacking her skin to create new cuts, bleeding profusely. She sobbed quietly, repeatedly cutting herself open again and again. The blood poured down her wrists, and onto the white tiled floor, staining everything it touched red. After awhile the pain receded, and Shenavyre’s eye’s glazed over from the loss of blood. “Shenavyre, are you still in there?” Joel called out, waiting outside. She made a small noise, afraid that he would catch her, and quickly threw the blade back into her bag. She closed her eyes, feeling dizzy just as the door opened and Joel and Benji walked in, searching for her. “What the - ?” Benji gasped as he saw the amount of blood, and Shenavyre slumped, blood still seeping from the wounds. They two boys rushed up and shook her, “Shen, Shen!” Her eyes fluttered open, “All I wanted was . . .” She trailed off, her mind somewhere between reality and a dream.
I only wanted a magazine I only wanted a movie screen I only wanted the life I’d read about and dreamed. . .
They struggled to wake her up properly, but the loss of blood was major. The door to the change room opened and in walked Lacia, Benji’s girlfriend. “I thought I heard you-” She gasped, and her hands flew to her mouth on seeing Shenavyre lying in a pool of blood. “Oh my god. . . What happened to Shen?” Her eyes roamed searching for the cause of ((death?)) the loss of blood. They stopped as she saw the weeping wounds on her wrists “Oh my god!” She screamed, staring in horror. Benji frowned, and stood up, “Do you have your phone?” Lacia nodded. “Well call a f**king ambulance!” He growled, suddenly very irritated. “Benji. Benji! She’s stopped breathing. Oh my god, what are we going to do?” Joel whispered, his face contorted with anguish, and his eyes dark pools of pain. Benji sighed, trying to keep his cool, “Okay, it’ll be okay. You know how to give CPR, so give it to her! I’m getting some toilet paper to help staunch the flow of blood.” Lacia had the phone to her ear and was muttering into it, occasional words would be heard, like “Waldorf High School. . Shenavyre Vasforth. .” and so on. Joel took a deep breath and began to breathe into Shen’s mouth, trying to make her breathe on her own. Getting worried, he did it more hurriedly. Lacia got off of the phone and announced, “The ambulance will be here in about five minutes.” “We’d better hope so, or else Shen might not survive,” Benji said morbidly, sitting on the other side of his best friend. Joel gave her another breath and pushed in on her stomach. She coughed, and gulped in air, filling her lungs. Her eyes opened, they had changed to a light jade color. “Joel? What’s. . What’s going on?” She whispered, her voice hoarse. “What do you mean, what’s going on? That’s what we’d like to know. Why are you cutting yourself, Shen?” She moaned, the feeling in her arms coming back, “I don’t know. Because my life is full of nuts and it just seemed to get rid of the pain, it made me forget. You know?” Benji looked at her, “No we don’t know! We don’t want to know either. . Shenavyre, what is your mum going to say?” Her eyes widened in fright, “She can’t find out, she just can’t! She’ll send me to a shrink or something!” Sirens were heard close in the distance, and Shenavyre began to whimper. Joel lifted up her head and cradled it, hushing her, “Sh. It’s okay, baby. It’ll be okay.”<br>She gazed up at him, her face taut with despair, “Help me.” Her eyes filled up with tears and they slid down her face, pulling at Joel’s heartstrings. Benji looked away, misery in his eyes, and hugged Lacia tightly, trying not to cry. Lacia stroked his hair, whispering softly, “Shh, she’ll be fine, okay? Don’t worry!” Her honey-brown eyes filled with sympathy. “Help me,” Shenavyre whispered again, her voice so quiet that Joel strained to hear her. He bit his lip, “I’ll help you, I promise.” His fingers gentle, wiped away her tears, and he kissed her forehead tenderly.
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Post by padfootsbabe on Feb 25, 2005 3:26:21 GMT -5
So help me heal these wounds They’ve been open for way too long Help fill this soul Even though this is not your fault. . .
The ambulance had arrived. Benji walked out of the change rooms, his face pale. “She’s in there,” he murmured to the ambulance drivers, pointing to the change rooms. They rushed in, carrying a stretcher. A few minutes later, they rushed back out, Shenavyre strapped to the white stretcher. Seeing her in the light made her friends wince. The gashes were extremely raw, and blood had crusted, dried. Her white school shirt was stained, and her face was ashen. Her green eyes were shadowed deeply, bags purple under her eyes. She was lifted into the back of the ambulance, and the doors were closed. Benji and Joel glanced at each other, their eyes filled with tears and anguish beyond reckoning. The ambulance drove off to the hospital, sirens wailing through the air. Lacia grabbed Benji’s hand, squeezing it, giving him a meaningful look, and saying, “You have a car, right?” He nodded slightly, staring at the back of the ambulance. Lacia’s voice became impatient, “Well, come on then! You can drive to the hospital!” “Oh yeah. . .”<br> * The hospital scared Shenavyre. She remembered the last time she came here with her parents. Her father had died, just a few years ago in this very place. She shuddered, suddenly feeling very vulnerable and alone. They rushed her into the emergency room and gave her drugs to help her sleep. “Joel. . Benji. .” she sighed, her eyelids drooping, and blackness overcoming her. Benji, Joel and Lacia ran into the hospital, when terror struck Joel. “Benji. . She doesn’t like hospitals, remember? Her father died in the operating room two years ago, and she hasn’t been in here since.”<br>“Oh nuts!” Benji frowned eyes narrowing, “Well, its a bit late now, isn’t it? She’ll be in the operating room and asleep already.” Lacia stood next to her boyfriend awkwardly, “Uhm. . .Sweetie? What . . What is it you and her have?” She asked, hesitantly. Benji turned to his girlfriend, his brown eyes confused, “What do you mean? What do we. . have? We grew up together. . .” He trailed off, still completely confused. Joel snorted with laughter, “Oh man, she thinks you and Shenavyre have a thing going on!” Lacia blushed and eyes lowered, looked away. Benji cracked up laughing, “Me . . and Shen . . Have a thing going on? Pfft, I can’t really see that happening at all.” He saw the look on Lacia’s face and controlled his laughter, “Babe, Joel and Shenavyre have a thing going on, not ME and her.” Joel stopped laughing immediately, “What are you talking about? We’re best friends!” Benji gave him an amused look, “Yeah, suuure, you are! You have a thing for each other, ever since you noticed that she was a girl. I don’t know what she sees in you though.” Joel poked his tongue out, laughing, “I did not start liking her ever since I noticed that she became a girl as you like to put it. I liked her ever since we started high school.”<br>“Ha! So you admit it, you like her,” Benji crowed with delight. Lacia cracked up laughing, and rolled her eyes, “You sounded so like me then.” Joel growled at them, “Oh shut up the both of you.” The three of them sat down on those white plastic chairs that you see in hospitals. “God. . How long does it take?” Joel mumbled, looking up every few seconds at the doors. “Oh my Gawd! You are so impatient! It’ll take as long as it takes, okay?” Lacia sighed, exasperated. Defeated, Joel mumbled, “You would be too, if someone you loved was in there.” Benji started laughing yet again. “You really are a freak. No, seriously.” A thud was heard, “Ouch!” Joel had hit his twin, “Shut up. Shen’s in the ER and you’re out here laughing.” After that the 3 shut up and waited impatiently. The doors at the end of the corridor opened and out came Shenavyre, lying on a roller bed. Benji, Joel and Lacia followed quickly to find where she was going. At last they stopped at Room 219. “Phew! I thought she was gonna be in the ICU,” Joel breathed a sigh of relief. “You see me?” Benji asked cornily. THUMP. “Would you stop hitting me?” Benji sulked, holding his arm. Joel shrugged non-committed, “Meh. .”<br> Shenavyre opened her eyes, to find her arms swathed in bandages and a drip hanging from one arm, and blood being transfused through the other. Benji and Joel walked through the door and sat on either side of her bed. “Uhm. . You’ve been asleep for like hours. It’s about six thirty at night now,” Benji commented, looking at his watch. “Yeah, plus your mother is in the corridor, wanting to see you,” Joel whispered, grabbing hold of Shen’s hand. Tears leaked out of her eyes, “I can’t see her, Joel. She’ll freak!” He sighed, “She’s already freaked, you should have seen her when they said that she couldn’t see you just yet.” That brought a tiny smile to her pale face. “Mm. .Mum hasn’t freaked in a long time. . Not since. .Well, you know. .” She trailed off, her eyes growing distant, reminiscing.
And now my mind is an open book And now my heart is an open wound And now my life is an open show for all to see. .
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Post by padfootsbabe on Feb 25, 2005 3:27:58 GMT -5
Joel gave her a quick kiss on her bruised lips, then let go of her hand and stood up, “Anyway, we have to leave. The doctor said we should warn you about your mother.” He smiled for the first time in hours, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Shenavyre nodded slightly, “Well, thanks for the warning guys. You should go home and sleep, okay? I’ll be fine, obviously.” Benji leant down and kissed her on the cheek, “I know I need sleep, but knowing Joel,” he whispered into her ear, “He’ll need convincing.” Shen laughed and kissed Benji on the cheek as well, whispering, “Well, convince him then. Tell him that if he doesn’t go to sleep that he can’t see me tomorrow.” Benji smiled at her, “Will do.” He stood up, “Nice to see you got your sense of humour back, Shen.” Her two best friends left, and her mother walked in.
She had long black hair, now streaked with grey, and sea-green eyes. In fact, her daughter looked like the spitting image of her, except that she had her father’s nose and cheeky smile. Her face was tired, and her eyes were shining with worry.
“Shen? Why did you do this to me?” She asked, tension in her voice. “To you? Why did I do this to you?” Her daughter exclaimed, shocked. “I didn’t do anything to you, mother. I cut myself. I was the one who could have died today. I was the one who dealt with the pain of it all. I didn’t do anything to you, mother dearest.” Her voice filled with scorn. Mrs. Vasforth winced at the tone in her only daughter’s voice, “You made me go through the worry that you had died. You made me think that it was going to be like your father. But it wasn’t.”<br>“Well you should be glad!”<br>“I am!”<br>“Then why are you complaining?”<br>“I’m not!”<br>“Oh yes you are. But guess what? I don’t care! I’m surprised you’re even here,” Shenavyre spat, as though the words were poison in her mouth. “Ugh!” Her mother threw her arms into the air, “I give up! You’re going to see a psychiatrist as soon as you’re out of this godforsaken place.”<br>Shen’s lip curled, “Whatever.” With that said, she turned her head and went to sleep.
* So you come along I push you away Then kick and scream for you to stay. Coz I need someone to help me Oh I need someone to help me/i]
They were sitting in some psychiatrists office, her, her mother, and Joel. Shenavyre sighed, and grasped Joel’s hand. He squeezed it reassuringly, and smiled. The psychiatrist, or shrink as Shen liked to call her, walked in and sat behind her desk. “Hi, my name is Betsy Thornton, your psychiatrist.” She looked down at the manila folder opened in front of her, “Now I understand you are here because you attempted suicide?” She directed the question at Shenavyre, her eyes boring through hers. “Yeah, I guess so.” Betsy made a small noise and flicked through the folder, “Mmm. .Yes, well, I’m going to help you find out why you are so depressed.” Shen rolled her sea-green eyes, already bored, and looking down at her wrists, wanting to cut herself out of sheer boredom. “I know why I’m depressed. My father died two years ago, my mother buries herself in her work, and school is a nutshole,” She said matter-of-factly. “So I don’t need your help. Goodbye.” Shenavyre stood up, about to leave, but Joel pulled her down onto his lap and whispered, “Just amuse us, will you?” Her eyes rolled again, “Fine. .”<br>Her mother scowled, “Will you two either go out or just leave each other alone? And we aren’t here to make googly-eyes, we’re here to help Shenavyre. So can we please continue?” Shen got up and sat back down in-between the others. “God, mum, don’t get so worked up.” Mrs. Vasforth leaned towards her daughter and whispered, “Would you do this for me? I need this too, you know.” Then turned back to Betsy and smiled. Shenavyre resisted the urge to scream to her mother, “Go away! I don’t want you here!” Even though she knew that she desperately wanted her there. The first session began
*
A month or so after the incident that caused Shenavyre to wind up in Betsy’s office every week*, she went to see her for the last time. She sighed, and looked at Joel, smiling. “God, I’m getting sick of this place. So glad to finally get out and stay out.” He smiled back, and you could tell that the two were immensely happy**. Betsy strode into her office and without even looking at the folder unopened on her desk, said to the 17 year old girl, “Well done, Shen! You’re finally finished! I’ll miss seeing you every week, but I’m proud of you. If you ever feel depressed again, come and see me, okay?” Her blue eyes twinkled with delight. Shenavyre sat up straight, “Are you telling me I don’t have to stay for the last session?” Betsy laughed lightly, “No you don’t.” “Thanks, Betsy. I’ll come see you whenever I feel down and need to talk.” Joel, who had been silent throughout the whole thing, interrupted, “Hey! You’d rather see her than me! I feel insulted.” Shenavyre rolled her eyes, laughing, and “Oh blah to you, mister.” Without one glance back, the two left the office and headed downtown to meet Benji and Lacia, who were still going out.
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Post by padfootsbabe on Feb 25, 2005 3:28:54 GMT -5
* Okay, in this month or so, a lot happened. Shen and her mother got back on track and are now spending a lot more time together. They visit her father’s grave every few months, and leave flowers there. Her school grades went up and she stopped cutting herself. ** Joel and Shenavyre also became a couple not long after she started seeing Betsy. Benji’s reaction: “Took you two long enough!” Joel’s reaction: THUMP. They are now going strong, and are completely and utterly in love. Lacia’s reaction: “Oh god you two! Get a room!” Shenavyre’s reaction: “Bite me.”<br> Just a last little note. . . Ergh did this take forever to write! Okay, so I’m impatient, because I started writing this songfic on the 24th of December. It dragged on, but I like it. : p Hope you like it too! And . . This song was written by Benji and Joel Madden, and sung by Benji Madden. Copyright to them.
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Post by Enchant on Feb 25, 2005 16:34:50 GMT -5
I thought it was very real....thats the first word that came to mind. Real....., It was very good. At the end I thought the narration was part of the story, lol untill I read that you were just summing it up...lol Well done PB! ;D
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Post by padfootsbabe on Feb 26, 2005 20:40:06 GMT -5
*Huggles Piffy* I love you!! Although some of it doesn't seem realistic..Like the part where Joel and she realise that they actually love each other.That's just like a shorter version of a part in a romance novel. Lol.
But thankya!
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Post by Enchant on Feb 27, 2005 13:46:59 GMT -5
your welcome....you can even right a extension of what yo have and explain it more ....if you wanted....
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Post by Evil3 on Mar 5, 2005 19:36:46 GMT -5
Oh wow. Didn't realize this was here too. Ijust asked you to contintue posting it on the HPn and I find it finished here. Yay!
This was sad, but I liked how it ended. A very good story.
And I agree with Piffy, very real.
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