Post by finlip on Oct 8, 2005 13:52:23 GMT -5
This is going to be a very long article. So please take a deep breath. If you don't have enough time now, please save this and come back and read this later. But please read this. If you know me, Anup Pokhrel, you have to read it for me. Thank you in advance. This is all about one of my friends. After writing this, I will be sure what it is that is between me and her. I can't lie anything. She deserves to know what it is that I feel. I have to be honest to her. I have only been thinking about this friend of mine for such a long time. Of all friends I have, I have known many for years and many have done a lot of things to me. But still, Shruti is my best friend. My heart says she is.
It has been more than a year now. I first met Shruti at the CyberSansar (then Cybernepal) forum. I probably saw her username and sent her a private message. Maybe I read a post she started. But that is the place where it started. I remember that I used to use the internet at college then. I didn't have any messenger service. She used to send me messages asking to come to messenger but I wouldn't be able to.
Later I started going to Rom's place. He used to ask me to come to his place instead of surfing the internet in college. There were times when I met Shruti online on MSN too. Before that, most of our conversations were in the threads she started. I used to try and reply to all the few threads that she started. In one of them I made her believe that she could do Organic Chemistry well. I wish the Cybernepal team reposted our personal messages so I could check what our private messages were about. I think they should have informed us about the upgrade and allowed me to download my private messages before they upgraded their forum. Those messages are very precious to me.
During the course of our meetings in MSN messenger, we talked about various things. She wouldn't come for that long a time. I still remember she used to nudge me a lot. Sometimes, only sometimes, I would be irritated by her nudges. That can't happen anymore. Today when she was online even though eleven others were online at the same time, I just didn't worry about the rest and only talked to her. But then again, she didn't have enough time for me.
She used to talk about bunking classes together with a friend of hers in school. Her friend went out with her guy and she came home. That was the reason why she was online at a time when she was supposed to be in school. She used to say her mom and grandfather were home when I asked her who was home. On one occasion, she said that the electricity was out and the UPS would work for a few seconds good enough for her to shut down her computer. I remember these tiny things.
She would come to Kathmandu after her final exams were over. She said she had been coming to Kathmandu regularly during her vacations. After her class twelve exams were over, she would come and prepare for her entrance exams. She said her aim was to become a doctor. I had asked her if she would meet me when she came to Kathmandu. She had agreed to that. And I was definitely hopeful.
On one occasion, I had proposed to her that we become best friends. I feel a bit guilty because I was only joking back then. But now I realize it was the right thing to do. She had agreed to that proposal. I don't know how serious she was herself. At that moment, she was already a very good friend. I already liked her. But she was not the very best. There were other friends who might have come before her in my priority list. Now she is at number one. She definitely is at the moment. I think this can last for the rest of my life.
When she was in Bhairahawa, she had asked me to talk to one of her friends, Kiran. Kiran was a good boy. It was nice talking to him. Like Shruti, Kiran also had two different MSN addresses that were in my contact list. I used to talk to them quite often since I used to be online for at least five hours a day normally. Talking to Shruti was fun. She didn't stay and talk for long but I kept reminding her my intention to meet her when she came to Kathmandu. I kept asking her about her studies. I kept asking her when her exams would finish and when she would come back to Kathmandu.
It was only a week or so after her exams finished that she finally came to Kathmandu. She asked me for a phone number and I gave her the number of the cyber cafe. When she was in Bhairahawa, the plan was to meet her as soon as she came to Kathmandu, but after she came it took so long.
In probably the first time that we met online after she was in Kathmandu, which was in the evening, I remember asking her to meet me. It was late and she asked me to come to her room from her window. When I remember this, it brings a smile to my face. It reminds me of those old Bollywood movies.
A few days after that I had a conversation with Kiran. Kiran had always been nice to me until that day. After that day, he said that I should learn how to speak to people. Before that he used to say that I was a very nice person. Well, during the course of our conversation, Kiran said that he would never let Shruti meet me. But I believed it should be left upto Shruti to decide whether or not she wanted to meet me. When we were departing, he said take care. I said I would take care of myself but wouldn't be able to take care of Shruti since I hadn't met her. Then he said he was there to take care of Shruti and there was nothing for me to do. But actually he was in Bhairahawa and Shruti was here in Kathmandu. That was how it ended then. He also proved to me that he and Shruti knew the passwords to both of each other's MSN messenger accounts. A few days ago, Shruti, through MSN messenger kinda scolded me for not speaking to Kiran nicely. She said, "Why did you speak to Kiran like that?"
There was a short break after that. I still had the desire to meet Shruti. But I rarely met her online. It felt like she was working hard preparing for the exams. I even felt like what Kiran said might be true. I was frightened that I might never get to meet Shruti.
More than a month after Shruti came to Kathmandu, I had a phone call at the cyber cafe one evening. The caller's voice sounded so familiar; like I'd been hearing it for ages. But actually I was only hearing her for the first time. The caller refused to reveal her identity and was going to leave it upto me to think about it and find it myself. Part of me had felt it might be Shruti. But she had been out of touch for so long. The voice was really lovely. I asked her few questions like "Were you in Kathmandu three months ago?" and so on. She didn't answer all of them correctly. But finally, she did tell me that she was indeed Shruti. I thanked her for calling me. She said "If you are thanking me for calling you what will you do if I let you meet me."
I know she said she had few friends but those few she had were all very close to her. Well 144 Hi5 friends and such a friendly nature suggest differently. But that was what she said and I have to believe. She used to share stories about how she made a fool out of her classmates in her coaching institute who tried to speak to her. I felt wonderful being able to listen to all that on the phone. I felt like I was indeed her close friend.
Her birthday came a few days after she called me. I remembered it whole day that it was her birthday that day. I didn't have her phone number. But I had sent her birthday messages. I wished that she would call me that evening so that I could wish her happy birthday. But she didn't call until a few days later. I said how much I missed her on her birthday. She also gave me her number on that day. But I didn't call her then. I didn't know if it would be right to call without any reason.
Sometime later, she said she'd been to Bhairahawa for a few days leaving her class. Her grandfather had passed away. I remembered her say her grandfather was home when I asked who was home when we chatted while she was in Bhairahawa. I cried when I came back home that night. I had never seen her grandfather but it was like he was really close to me. I have not even seen him or how he looks like. I do not even know his name.
Shruti and I did talk on the phone and sometimes on messenger. But meeting Shruti, which I thought I would do either on the day or on the day after Shruti came to Kathmandu had still not happend. I still felt the Kiran factor might be the reason behind it but I never mentioned that man's name.
Now I only wonder if Kiran's still alive. I saw his profile one day and it showed the name Kiran Bhattarai and the location Bhairahawa. There are no traces of him anymore. He may even be Shruti's virtual creation. When she was in Bhairahawa, she said her sister, in Kathmandu, would sign in from her MSN account in the afternoon when she would be in school. A few days ago, when I met her, she said no one knew her passwords until after she changed them.
One day just recently, we had an assessment the next day. We also had to submit a practical report of our hydropower practicals. I was in the cybercafe quite early. I met Shruti online. She said she was in New Baneshwore. But she was willing to come to Putali Sadak, to the cyber cafe to meet me. I thought she might just be joking. She stayed online for an hour or two. I had to go home and do lots of work. So I tried to delay our meeting until a later date. We had also planned a date and time we would meet at three days later. But in the end, after quite a delay already, we decided to meet on the same day at the Dhobi Khola bridge near Maitidevi.
I left the cyber cafe and went to the bridge. I bought chewing gums thinking I would offer her at least that. I had to wait for a while for her to come. She was struck in a traffic jam and a protest rally. When she finally came it didn't take any time at all to recognize her. Yes, she'd told what colour her shirt and bags were but it should have taken us at least one second to recognize each. It didn't take any time at all. We saw each other and smiled straight away like we'd known each other for ages. We stood on the bridge for a minute and talked. Then I proposed that we walk along the river bank and then go to Baneshwor height. We walked through third class roads and later slightly better roads for about fifteen minutes. We talked to each other. I easily allowed her to do more of the talking because she was the better speaker.
At the end of the walk we had a bet. I knew I would lose the bet but I had no problem. That was an opportunity to buy her a chocolate. After the walk, I went home. At home the phone was there and no one was else was home. I took the opportunity and called her for the first time. It was a short conversation on the phone but it was probably my first ever phone call to her. From her caller ID, it was then that she got my number. I wasn't aware of it though.
After that we met online at times. My exams also started so I used less of the internet. One fine morning, I was alone in home. There was a phone call which ended before I could pick it up. But the phone number that the phone was coming from was Shruti's number. Before I could call back, my parents arrived. I met Shruti online later that day. I asked her if we could meet. She denied. But she did say that she had called me in the morning. I said I would call her the next morning but I never did.
After I finished my exam on September 11, we had two more left. On September 11, I met Shruti online. She was in Dillibazaar. She said she would come to Putali Sadak and let me meet her. She was a few minutes late again. But she did come with her two lovely nieces as promised. She had called them sisters back then. We talked on the road for about two minutes. Then she said they had to go. I would have liked to ask them if I could go with them. But I didn't ask. She said on that day that she was afraid to call my home. I also realized that she knew my phone number by heart.
On September 18, she had her entrance exam. My last exam was on September 19. I had plans for the day. After finishing the exam I wanted to meet her again. After September 11, I had started thinking about Shruti even more. But despite the long wait after coming back from exams, she didn't come online. The electricity went off as well. And then, I saw Romance's uncle smoking. It had been a long time since I'd smoked. I had finished exams on the same day. So I decided to smoke to relieve myself. I had left college as soon as my exams were over. I hadn't wasted time talking to my friends and celebrating the end of the exams. I had come there hoping to meet Shruti online which didn't happen. It wasn't her fault but I felt sad.
Later that evening, I did give her a call at the number of the pink house which I had. But she was in another place. So I couldn't talk on the phone either.
On the same day I walked along the way near where she lived to a friends room in Gaushala. When he wasn't there, I went to my friend Gayatri's room in Maitedevei late at night. He gave me until the next morning to fill the form and apply for the Youth Seminar in Dhulikhel from September 22 to 27 even though the deadline for application had been over days ago. I had to consult my project partners and Anil let me go. The other thing I was worried about was that Shruti would return to Bhairahawa when I went to Dhulikhel. I also thought that if I was in Kathmandu I would have a chance of meeting her.
I finally decided to go to the seminar. I was due to leave Kathmandu on September 22. On September 20, the day after re-trying smoke, I smoked again. I called the pink house many times asking if Shruti had come back. I did the same on the next day. But she wasn't anywhere to be found. But on September 21, I hadn't smoked. I had to go to Baneshwor. I left college early and spent a long time on the internet even though I was supposed to have gone to Baneshwor. I was hoping to meet Shruti online. When I decided, I couldn't take any more time, I saw Shruti sign in. We had a chat. She left all of a sudden. I still waited for a while and then realized she'd gone. Then when I was preparing to leave, I had a phone call from Shruti. It was already almost dark. I was late. But when Shruti agreed she would meet me if I came near the place where she was living and I duly agreed. I was going to Dhulikhel the very next day.
I also gave her the Five Star Chocloate that I had lost in the bet. I also got to walk with her for fifteen more minutes. I felt really good. Who wanted to smoke after that? I was so happy. I was jumping. I had been thinking about her a lot. I still am. I reached Baneshwore after everyone else had left. But I was surely the happiest man who had been there that day.
The next day, I was supposed to go to Dhulikhel and I went. I did call Shruti again to see if she would come out of her house to say bye bye to me. She said she wouldn't. So my level of happiness was just a little less going to Dhulikhel. But still, there wasn't much I could complain except that I should have taken the bus at Anamnagar instead of walking all the way along the place she lived and getting caught in the rain.
During the five days in Dhulikhel I decided I would smoke and I smoked quite heavily. The seminar was really wonderful. I kept remembering Shruti. Three of the seven girls at our seminar were extremely attractive and I was with them for five days. But even they couldn't make me forget Shruti. I was even thinking about calling her but I didn't because we had very little time to call. And even if I had called, she wouldn't have been there.
She only went to the pink house a few days after I came back from Dhulikhel. I had been calling her in the pink house before going to Dhulikhel asking if she had come back. The people there were saying that she would come the day after or on the same day. But she took really long.
I also smoked on the day I came back to Kathmandu and on two more days. Shruti also called me one evening at the cyber cafe a few days after my return. I also called her and talked to her on the phone. From what she said, I thought there was still a week before she would go back to Bhairahawa. I called her the next morning from home. She wasn't there but she called back straight away. She said she would be going to Bhairahawa on the same evening. I was shocked. Later she said it could also be the next morning.
My mood was off all that day. I met her online in the evening. She was in a cyber cafe and agreed to come on a micro bus near the place where I was to meet me one last time before going back. On that day we walked the longest distance together. I discovered that she was a vegeterian. I had felt so somewhere. It was like I'd known it inside me for ages. Then I've decided I just want to become a vegeterian myself. I haven't touched smoke again either.
After meeting her that evening, I called her as well a little later. Those were two short calls. The next morning she would leave. I woke up early and wanted to go and see her once more before she left but I didn't go. I didn't want to leave home so early in the morning.
I had lots of messages for her. But for three successive evenings, I didn't get the replies of my messages. I was beginning to worry again. I miss her so much. She's in Bhairahawa. This evening, I met her online for about twenty minutes. It has given me some more life.
I have saved all her pictures that I could find on Hi5 in my Photobucket album. So I can always look at her picture. I can always walk along the roads that we walked together. She's a really lovely girl. It feels like everything matches. She seems such a perfect girl.
I have never touched her. There is no lust involved. Its just that I like this girl. I like the way she talks. I like the girl that she is. I like her behaviour. I just like the way she is. She is really lovely.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that. But I still take great relief from the fact that she has said I'm her best friend on two occasions. If that isn't the truth, then I'm ready to accept it. Even if it was correct, she has the right to feel someone else is a better friend than me in the future. That may happen and I'm prepared for that. I don't need anything more than what she can give. I will be happy with whatever I get. I'm so lucky I got to meet Shruti. This may give me energy to live the rest of my life.
Every morning, I wake up with the thought of Shruti. Is it going to ruin my life? Is it going to hamper everything in my life? I hope it doesn't. But I love thinking about her and there's nothing wrong with it. I also have one picture of hers in my computer. F:\My Course\class notes\76684085.img. I've been looking at it a lot over the last three hours while typing all this.
I have said all that I feel. I'm ready to go as far ahead with Shruti as she wants to take me. I'm also ready to be happy with what I have. I'm also ready to give up a little bit of what I already have. But I will think of this girl till I die. I will walk through the roads we walked together. And it will remind me of her. Her pictures will also remind me of her. I am ready to worship her as my godess. I'm ready to be her slave. She's just the perfect person.
Do I deserve her? Everyone thinks they don't deserve the girl they feel like this for. Everyone things she she deserves better people. But if by any chance she has had any similar thoughts for me before reading all this that I've written or if she develops such thoughts in the future then maybe we are a pair made in heaven like people have been saying. Then we are two people made for each other. If only this was true, my life would be great. I will be motivated to work really hard and do a good job in life.
Oh what am I saying? This has already been very long. Now let me end this tale. I can't afford to read it again. Its too long. There will be a few obvious errors. I hope you have corrected them while reading. I realize that I have only been writing for two hours and not three as I mentioned earlier.
It has been more than a year now. I first met Shruti at the CyberSansar (then Cybernepal) forum. I probably saw her username and sent her a private message. Maybe I read a post she started. But that is the place where it started. I remember that I used to use the internet at college then. I didn't have any messenger service. She used to send me messages asking to come to messenger but I wouldn't be able to.
Later I started going to Rom's place. He used to ask me to come to his place instead of surfing the internet in college. There were times when I met Shruti online on MSN too. Before that, most of our conversations were in the threads she started. I used to try and reply to all the few threads that she started. In one of them I made her believe that she could do Organic Chemistry well. I wish the Cybernepal team reposted our personal messages so I could check what our private messages were about. I think they should have informed us about the upgrade and allowed me to download my private messages before they upgraded their forum. Those messages are very precious to me.
During the course of our meetings in MSN messenger, we talked about various things. She wouldn't come for that long a time. I still remember she used to nudge me a lot. Sometimes, only sometimes, I would be irritated by her nudges. That can't happen anymore. Today when she was online even though eleven others were online at the same time, I just didn't worry about the rest and only talked to her. But then again, she didn't have enough time for me.
She used to talk about bunking classes together with a friend of hers in school. Her friend went out with her guy and she came home. That was the reason why she was online at a time when she was supposed to be in school. She used to say her mom and grandfather were home when I asked her who was home. On one occasion, she said that the electricity was out and the UPS would work for a few seconds good enough for her to shut down her computer. I remember these tiny things.
She would come to Kathmandu after her final exams were over. She said she had been coming to Kathmandu regularly during her vacations. After her class twelve exams were over, she would come and prepare for her entrance exams. She said her aim was to become a doctor. I had asked her if she would meet me when she came to Kathmandu. She had agreed to that. And I was definitely hopeful.
On one occasion, I had proposed to her that we become best friends. I feel a bit guilty because I was only joking back then. But now I realize it was the right thing to do. She had agreed to that proposal. I don't know how serious she was herself. At that moment, she was already a very good friend. I already liked her. But she was not the very best. There were other friends who might have come before her in my priority list. Now she is at number one. She definitely is at the moment. I think this can last for the rest of my life.
When she was in Bhairahawa, she had asked me to talk to one of her friends, Kiran. Kiran was a good boy. It was nice talking to him. Like Shruti, Kiran also had two different MSN addresses that were in my contact list. I used to talk to them quite often since I used to be online for at least five hours a day normally. Talking to Shruti was fun. She didn't stay and talk for long but I kept reminding her my intention to meet her when she came to Kathmandu. I kept asking her about her studies. I kept asking her when her exams would finish and when she would come back to Kathmandu.
It was only a week or so after her exams finished that she finally came to Kathmandu. She asked me for a phone number and I gave her the number of the cyber cafe. When she was in Bhairahawa, the plan was to meet her as soon as she came to Kathmandu, but after she came it took so long.
In probably the first time that we met online after she was in Kathmandu, which was in the evening, I remember asking her to meet me. It was late and she asked me to come to her room from her window. When I remember this, it brings a smile to my face. It reminds me of those old Bollywood movies.
A few days after that I had a conversation with Kiran. Kiran had always been nice to me until that day. After that day, he said that I should learn how to speak to people. Before that he used to say that I was a very nice person. Well, during the course of our conversation, Kiran said that he would never let Shruti meet me. But I believed it should be left upto Shruti to decide whether or not she wanted to meet me. When we were departing, he said take care. I said I would take care of myself but wouldn't be able to take care of Shruti since I hadn't met her. Then he said he was there to take care of Shruti and there was nothing for me to do. But actually he was in Bhairahawa and Shruti was here in Kathmandu. That was how it ended then. He also proved to me that he and Shruti knew the passwords to both of each other's MSN messenger accounts. A few days ago, Shruti, through MSN messenger kinda scolded me for not speaking to Kiran nicely. She said, "Why did you speak to Kiran like that?"
There was a short break after that. I still had the desire to meet Shruti. But I rarely met her online. It felt like she was working hard preparing for the exams. I even felt like what Kiran said might be true. I was frightened that I might never get to meet Shruti.
More than a month after Shruti came to Kathmandu, I had a phone call at the cyber cafe one evening. The caller's voice sounded so familiar; like I'd been hearing it for ages. But actually I was only hearing her for the first time. The caller refused to reveal her identity and was going to leave it upto me to think about it and find it myself. Part of me had felt it might be Shruti. But she had been out of touch for so long. The voice was really lovely. I asked her few questions like "Were you in Kathmandu three months ago?" and so on. She didn't answer all of them correctly. But finally, she did tell me that she was indeed Shruti. I thanked her for calling me. She said "If you are thanking me for calling you what will you do if I let you meet me."
I know she said she had few friends but those few she had were all very close to her. Well 144 Hi5 friends and such a friendly nature suggest differently. But that was what she said and I have to believe. She used to share stories about how she made a fool out of her classmates in her coaching institute who tried to speak to her. I felt wonderful being able to listen to all that on the phone. I felt like I was indeed her close friend.
Her birthday came a few days after she called me. I remembered it whole day that it was her birthday that day. I didn't have her phone number. But I had sent her birthday messages. I wished that she would call me that evening so that I could wish her happy birthday. But she didn't call until a few days later. I said how much I missed her on her birthday. She also gave me her number on that day. But I didn't call her then. I didn't know if it would be right to call without any reason.
Sometime later, she said she'd been to Bhairahawa for a few days leaving her class. Her grandfather had passed away. I remembered her say her grandfather was home when I asked who was home when we chatted while she was in Bhairahawa. I cried when I came back home that night. I had never seen her grandfather but it was like he was really close to me. I have not even seen him or how he looks like. I do not even know his name.
Shruti and I did talk on the phone and sometimes on messenger. But meeting Shruti, which I thought I would do either on the day or on the day after Shruti came to Kathmandu had still not happend. I still felt the Kiran factor might be the reason behind it but I never mentioned that man's name.
Now I only wonder if Kiran's still alive. I saw his profile one day and it showed the name Kiran Bhattarai and the location Bhairahawa. There are no traces of him anymore. He may even be Shruti's virtual creation. When she was in Bhairahawa, she said her sister, in Kathmandu, would sign in from her MSN account in the afternoon when she would be in school. A few days ago, when I met her, she said no one knew her passwords until after she changed them.
One day just recently, we had an assessment the next day. We also had to submit a practical report of our hydropower practicals. I was in the cybercafe quite early. I met Shruti online. She said she was in New Baneshwore. But she was willing to come to Putali Sadak, to the cyber cafe to meet me. I thought she might just be joking. She stayed online for an hour or two. I had to go home and do lots of work. So I tried to delay our meeting until a later date. We had also planned a date and time we would meet at three days later. But in the end, after quite a delay already, we decided to meet on the same day at the Dhobi Khola bridge near Maitidevi.
I left the cyber cafe and went to the bridge. I bought chewing gums thinking I would offer her at least that. I had to wait for a while for her to come. She was struck in a traffic jam and a protest rally. When she finally came it didn't take any time at all to recognize her. Yes, she'd told what colour her shirt and bags were but it should have taken us at least one second to recognize each. It didn't take any time at all. We saw each other and smiled straight away like we'd known each other for ages. We stood on the bridge for a minute and talked. Then I proposed that we walk along the river bank and then go to Baneshwor height. We walked through third class roads and later slightly better roads for about fifteen minutes. We talked to each other. I easily allowed her to do more of the talking because she was the better speaker.
At the end of the walk we had a bet. I knew I would lose the bet but I had no problem. That was an opportunity to buy her a chocolate. After the walk, I went home. At home the phone was there and no one was else was home. I took the opportunity and called her for the first time. It was a short conversation on the phone but it was probably my first ever phone call to her. From her caller ID, it was then that she got my number. I wasn't aware of it though.
After that we met online at times. My exams also started so I used less of the internet. One fine morning, I was alone in home. There was a phone call which ended before I could pick it up. But the phone number that the phone was coming from was Shruti's number. Before I could call back, my parents arrived. I met Shruti online later that day. I asked her if we could meet. She denied. But she did say that she had called me in the morning. I said I would call her the next morning but I never did.
After I finished my exam on September 11, we had two more left. On September 11, I met Shruti online. She was in Dillibazaar. She said she would come to Putali Sadak and let me meet her. She was a few minutes late again. But she did come with her two lovely nieces as promised. She had called them sisters back then. We talked on the road for about two minutes. Then she said they had to go. I would have liked to ask them if I could go with them. But I didn't ask. She said on that day that she was afraid to call my home. I also realized that she knew my phone number by heart.
On September 18, she had her entrance exam. My last exam was on September 19. I had plans for the day. After finishing the exam I wanted to meet her again. After September 11, I had started thinking about Shruti even more. But despite the long wait after coming back from exams, she didn't come online. The electricity went off as well. And then, I saw Romance's uncle smoking. It had been a long time since I'd smoked. I had finished exams on the same day. So I decided to smoke to relieve myself. I had left college as soon as my exams were over. I hadn't wasted time talking to my friends and celebrating the end of the exams. I had come there hoping to meet Shruti online which didn't happen. It wasn't her fault but I felt sad.
Later that evening, I did give her a call at the number of the pink house which I had. But she was in another place. So I couldn't talk on the phone either.
On the same day I walked along the way near where she lived to a friends room in Gaushala. When he wasn't there, I went to my friend Gayatri's room in Maitedevei late at night. He gave me until the next morning to fill the form and apply for the Youth Seminar in Dhulikhel from September 22 to 27 even though the deadline for application had been over days ago. I had to consult my project partners and Anil let me go. The other thing I was worried about was that Shruti would return to Bhairahawa when I went to Dhulikhel. I also thought that if I was in Kathmandu I would have a chance of meeting her.
I finally decided to go to the seminar. I was due to leave Kathmandu on September 22. On September 20, the day after re-trying smoke, I smoked again. I called the pink house many times asking if Shruti had come back. I did the same on the next day. But she wasn't anywhere to be found. But on September 21, I hadn't smoked. I had to go to Baneshwor. I left college early and spent a long time on the internet even though I was supposed to have gone to Baneshwor. I was hoping to meet Shruti online. When I decided, I couldn't take any more time, I saw Shruti sign in. We had a chat. She left all of a sudden. I still waited for a while and then realized she'd gone. Then when I was preparing to leave, I had a phone call from Shruti. It was already almost dark. I was late. But when Shruti agreed she would meet me if I came near the place where she was living and I duly agreed. I was going to Dhulikhel the very next day.
I also gave her the Five Star Chocloate that I had lost in the bet. I also got to walk with her for fifteen more minutes. I felt really good. Who wanted to smoke after that? I was so happy. I was jumping. I had been thinking about her a lot. I still am. I reached Baneshwore after everyone else had left. But I was surely the happiest man who had been there that day.
The next day, I was supposed to go to Dhulikhel and I went. I did call Shruti again to see if she would come out of her house to say bye bye to me. She said she wouldn't. So my level of happiness was just a little less going to Dhulikhel. But still, there wasn't much I could complain except that I should have taken the bus at Anamnagar instead of walking all the way along the place she lived and getting caught in the rain.
During the five days in Dhulikhel I decided I would smoke and I smoked quite heavily. The seminar was really wonderful. I kept remembering Shruti. Three of the seven girls at our seminar were extremely attractive and I was with them for five days. But even they couldn't make me forget Shruti. I was even thinking about calling her but I didn't because we had very little time to call. And even if I had called, she wouldn't have been there.
She only went to the pink house a few days after I came back from Dhulikhel. I had been calling her in the pink house before going to Dhulikhel asking if she had come back. The people there were saying that she would come the day after or on the same day. But she took really long.
I also smoked on the day I came back to Kathmandu and on two more days. Shruti also called me one evening at the cyber cafe a few days after my return. I also called her and talked to her on the phone. From what she said, I thought there was still a week before she would go back to Bhairahawa. I called her the next morning from home. She wasn't there but she called back straight away. She said she would be going to Bhairahawa on the same evening. I was shocked. Later she said it could also be the next morning.
My mood was off all that day. I met her online in the evening. She was in a cyber cafe and agreed to come on a micro bus near the place where I was to meet me one last time before going back. On that day we walked the longest distance together. I discovered that she was a vegeterian. I had felt so somewhere. It was like I'd known it inside me for ages. Then I've decided I just want to become a vegeterian myself. I haven't touched smoke again either.
After meeting her that evening, I called her as well a little later. Those were two short calls. The next morning she would leave. I woke up early and wanted to go and see her once more before she left but I didn't go. I didn't want to leave home so early in the morning.
I had lots of messages for her. But for three successive evenings, I didn't get the replies of my messages. I was beginning to worry again. I miss her so much. She's in Bhairahawa. This evening, I met her online for about twenty minutes. It has given me some more life.
I have saved all her pictures that I could find on Hi5 in my Photobucket album. So I can always look at her picture. I can always walk along the roads that we walked together. She's a really lovely girl. It feels like everything matches. She seems such a perfect girl.
I have never touched her. There is no lust involved. Its just that I like this girl. I like the way she talks. I like the girl that she is. I like her behaviour. I just like the way she is. She is really lovely.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who does that. But I still take great relief from the fact that she has said I'm her best friend on two occasions. If that isn't the truth, then I'm ready to accept it. Even if it was correct, she has the right to feel someone else is a better friend than me in the future. That may happen and I'm prepared for that. I don't need anything more than what she can give. I will be happy with whatever I get. I'm so lucky I got to meet Shruti. This may give me energy to live the rest of my life.
Every morning, I wake up with the thought of Shruti. Is it going to ruin my life? Is it going to hamper everything in my life? I hope it doesn't. But I love thinking about her and there's nothing wrong with it. I also have one picture of hers in my computer. F:\My Course\class notes\76684085.img. I've been looking at it a lot over the last three hours while typing all this.
I have said all that I feel. I'm ready to go as far ahead with Shruti as she wants to take me. I'm also ready to be happy with what I have. I'm also ready to give up a little bit of what I already have. But I will think of this girl till I die. I will walk through the roads we walked together. And it will remind me of her. Her pictures will also remind me of her. I am ready to worship her as my godess. I'm ready to be her slave. She's just the perfect person.
Do I deserve her? Everyone thinks they don't deserve the girl they feel like this for. Everyone things she she deserves better people. But if by any chance she has had any similar thoughts for me before reading all this that I've written or if she develops such thoughts in the future then maybe we are a pair made in heaven like people have been saying. Then we are two people made for each other. If only this was true, my life would be great. I will be motivated to work really hard and do a good job in life.
Oh what am I saying? This has already been very long. Now let me end this tale. I can't afford to read it again. Its too long. There will be a few obvious errors. I hope you have corrected them while reading. I realize that I have only been writing for two hours and not three as I mentioned earlier.