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Post by Mistress Rell on Nov 2, 2006 13:36:02 GMT -5
((Let's start by doing an introduction of your character. Remember to write in third-person form. Do not use the words 'I' or 'Me' to describe your character. Use 'He' instead.))
She let out a deep sigh and pushed the thick-rimmed glass across the table. She’d been here for almost two hours, and was completely bored out of her mind. The dark barroom was less than half full with patrons. Those, like her, who only come out at night. It seemed as thought tonight would be one of those less-than-exciting nights.
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Post by heavyweaponsmaster on Nov 3, 2006 11:49:04 GMT -5
While sitting in the darkest place in the baroom, he watces from afar. Slowly drinking his drink. While sitting there he noticed that there was this beautiful lady at the bar, so he decided to go meet her. Besides there was nothing else to do. He stands up and brushes the hair out of his face and walks over to the bar. I Begin to talk to the beautiful lady by saying," hello, how are you ? My shoulder begins to tighten up and my arms feel as if they weigh 500 pounds when I talk to her.
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Post by Mistress Rell on Nov 6, 2006 16:11:55 GMT -5
[green]((Very good. Just remember that you are writting in the third person and remember that each time you go to speak, start a new paragraph. Also, remember to open and close your dialogue with these *"*))[/green]
She noticed him before he even reached her table. This Human who seems to thinkt hat she's there for his entertainment pruposes. Anrelle picked up her half-full glass of beer, glaring at the stranger through the thickness of the glass.
[red](open)"[/red]If you're looking for a good time," She hissed at him. "I would suggest you go find it someplace else.[red]"(closed)[/red]
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Post by heavyweaponsmaster on Nov 7, 2006 8:19:53 GMT -5
* I looked at the lady and feel my anger rise, I snap and tell the lady how it is withoput yelling at her*
"look lady, I came over here to be nice and just to talk, I wasnt looking for a good time." I take the seat right beside her and continued," I felt like you where angry and I thought maybe you would wanna talk about it."
OOC:ummm is this the right way?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You're getting better. But you seem to be having a hard time grasping the concept of 'third person.' That's alright. I've shown you more examples by reduing your post below.
[red]He[/red] looked at the lady and [red]felt his[/red] anger rise[red]. He snapped[/red] and tell the lady how it is withoput yelling at her
"look lady, I came over here to be nice and just to talk, I wasnt looking for a good time." [red]He[/red] takes the seat right beside her and continued, "I felt like you where angry and I thought maybe you would wanna talk about it."
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Post by Mistress Rell on Nov 7, 2006 13:35:01 GMT -5
Anrelle sighed deeply. She had just insulted someone who, for the most part, probably didn't deserve it. But that was like her lately. It felt as though she were constantly on edge, and she couldn't figure out why.
"I'm sorry," She tried to appologize. "I didn't mean to be so abrupt. It's just this place, you know."
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Post by heavyweaponsmaster on Nov 8, 2006 11:52:07 GMT -5
OCC: sorry I saw it in my head, but when It came out it was diffrent. Sorry, I will try to focus on what Im writeing a little more. Sanoske breathes in deeply and breathes out. while trying not to be demonic, he tryed speaking to her. But this time he sounded totally diffrent. "yes I know what you mean," he responded," this place is not exzactly peaceful." he looked the lady straight in the eyes and he continued to talk," look. Im sorry about that earlyer, I didnt mean to blow up in your face like that. Its just... well lets just say I have an evilside."
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Post by Mistress Rell on Nov 15, 2006 8:43:24 GMT -5
((OOC Sorry, crazy bit of time lately))
She laughted slightly at his words.
"That's alright, I understand that part." She motioned him to sit down at her talbe. "Some days it's hard to keep things under control."
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Post by heavyweaponsmaster on Nov 15, 2006 11:11:06 GMT -5
((OCC: no problem.))
He notices her motioning him to sit down at her table so he decides to take the seat. He looked at her for a moment and looked away and said," yes you are quite right, somedays I cant control my demonic side." I look at her, but this time I dont look away. "You realy are a nice person when you get the chance to be."
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Post by Mistress Rell on Nov 20, 2006 8:33:45 GMT -5
((You're doing better. Try to add a bit more detail into your posts. Especially if something is bothering your charcter))
She smiled slightly. It had been awhile since anyone had given her any kind words. But then, she wasn't use to people talking to her in the first place.
"Thank-you." She smiled weakly and stared back at her glass.
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Post by heavyweaponsmaster on Nov 20, 2006 11:00:08 GMT -5
OCC: Alright I will try to add more detail into my character when he is bothered.))
He smiles slightly thinking," It must be killing her to put up that smile like that." While being caught up in his thoughts he suddendly realised she said,"thank you" and realiseing his mind was elsewhere he responded by saying," Im sorry, my mind was elsewhere, I was thinking of something. You are welcome." while trying to think of any way to start of what he's been trying to say, he just gives her the the bullets of the story," My paraents where killed by a group of vampires, I had killed 5 of them but there was too many of them. They thought I was a good fighter so they converted me into one of them. I too am a vampire as well now. I realy didnt have a choice to refuse them. They where holding me down and some woman of the group of the vampires had bit me and converted me into a vampire... ever since then many strange things have been happening to me. One of the strange things that occured is that my eyes will begin to glow a bright green or a bright red, either one will enable me to see far more than regular." He looks at her and begins to wounder," Did I say too much to a person whom I dont even know?" Shortly after those thoughts he begins to feell insecure about himeself and begins to feel threatened.
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Post by Mistress Rell on Nov 28, 2006 9:00:28 GMT -5
[pink]((Remember to start new thoughts and speaking with paragraphs))[/pink] He smiles slightly thinking," It must be killing her to put up that smile like that." While being caught up in his thoughts he suddendly realised she said,"thank you" and realiseing his mind was elsewhere he responded by saying," Im sorry, my mind was elsewhere, I was thinking of something. You are welcome." While trying to think of any way to start of what he's been trying to say, he just gives her the the bullets of the story," "My paraents where killed by a group of vampires, I had killed 5 of them but there was too many of them. [red](Break up the speaking with reflections of how he feels.)[/red] They thought I was a good fighter so they converted me into one of them. I too am a vampire as well now. I realy didnt have a choice to refuse them. They where holding me down and some woman of the group of the vampires had bit me and converted me into a vampire... ever since then many strange things have been happening to me. [red](new thought, new paragraph)[/red]One of the strange things that occured is that my eyes will begin to glow a bright green or a bright red, either one will enable me to see far more than regular." He looks at her and begins to wounder," Did I say too much to a person whom I dont even know?" Shortly after those thoughts he begins to feell insecure about himeself and begins to feel threatened.[/quote] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ She could tell by the uneasy tone in his voice that he was uncomfortable will revealing so much of himself so quickly. She wondered why he would do somehting like that in the first place? Maybe he could sense a kindred soul. "It sounds as though you've had a harder life than I." She tried to sound sincere, but it just wasn't in her nature. "So, you go around hunting them now?"
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Post by heavyweaponsmaster on Nov 29, 2006 21:34:24 GMT -5
He acnoliges her trying to be sincere and thinks,"she's saying that just to make me feel better but she seems to be having a hard time makeing this convinceing." He looks at her and thinks,"do I go around hunting them?"
He drinks a little bit more of the drink and then said,"so, do I go around hunting them? Well actually no... this all happened yeasterday. How could I hunt something that is just like me? Ever since the night when the vampires attacked I have been dinieing blood, but I know that eventually my strength will eventuall cave in and I will have no choice so I dont know how long my strength will hold.
For a few seconds I feel immense pain shoot through my sides and I grab my sides in attempt to dull the pain but it only grows worse, my eyes turn bright red and then the pain stops immediatly. I look at her with great fear in my eyes and bgin to think," oh crap it's starting again."
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Post by Mistress Rell on Nov 30, 2006 17:06:40 GMT -5
He acnoliges her trying to be sincere and thinks,"she's saying that just to make me feel better but she seems to be having a hard time makeing this convinceing." He looks at her and thinks,"do I go around hunting them?" He drinks a little bit more of the drink and then said,"so, do I go around hunting them? Well actually no... this all happened yeasterday. How could I hunt something that is just like me? Ever since the night when the vampires attacked I have been dinieing blood, but I know that eventually my strength will eventuall cave in and I will have no choice so I dont know how long my strength will hold. For a few seconds I feel immense pain shoot through my sides and I grab my sides in attempt to dull the pain but it only grows worse, my eyes turn bright red and then the pain stops immediatly. I look at her with great fear in my eyes and bgin to think," oh crap it's starting again." [blue]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [/blue] [red]((You're doing a really good job! Mind your spelling, and keep it in third-person.))[/red] HIs sudden movements put her on alert. Has he been attacked she asks herself. Immediatly her demon senses come into play as she scans the area for a possible suspect. But she finds nothing and no one that could warrent an unseen attack. "What's wrong?" She asked her voice low as to not draw attention to them. "What's going on?"
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Post by heavyweaponsmaster on Dec 1, 2006 11:40:01 GMT -5
While sitting there still in pain he speaks to her," your probably thinking that someone has attacked me, but nobody hasn't attacked me. Pain is shooting through my body because I wont drink blood." He sighs and takes a deep breath. He continues on," If I keep at this rate my inner demon will awaken and I wont be able to controll myself."
He sighs while thinking," the time between the pain cyclyles is getting closer and closer. Last time it was 2 days now its 3 hours, and that was only yesterday."
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Post by Mistress Rell on Dec 7, 2006 8:54:01 GMT -5
[red] ((Remember to start off talking parts with a new paragraph and capitalize.))[/red] While sitting there still in pain he speaks to her. [red]"Y[/red]our probably thinking that someone has attacked me, but nobody hasn't attacked me. Pain is shooting through my body because I wont drink blood." He sighs and takes a deep breath. He continues on. "If I keep at this rate my inner demon will awaken and I wont be able to controll myself." He sighs while thinking," the time between the pain cyclyles is getting closer and closer. Last time it was 2 days now its 3 hours, and that was only yesterday." [green]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [/green] "I know that feeling." She sighed. "Too many times I've been there myself. Always having to fight against the evil that lurkes deep within your soul. It can be an overwhelming job sometimes."
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